APRIL FOOLS!

*The following story is an April Fools joke. If you like it tell your friends! If you didn’t, tell no one.*

After years of public outcry, city officials  are caving to public pressure and have decided to do everything they can to fix our crumbling roads.  This means putting every cent possible into infrastructure.  Mayor, Steve Black says it’s the right time to do this.

“Council has heard the pressure from residents and thought it was necessary, obviously. Council’s had enough and wanted to see some change this year and find extra money to put into the roads.”

How much money is trickling in isn’t clear but it will be enough to force residents to make sacrifices.

“Residents have been looking to us for outside the box solutions to fix the roads to ensure we have good roads into the future.”

Some of the ‘outside the box” ideas include:

–Eliminating spring street cleaning  — Each block will now be in charge of their own street sweeping.  A schedule will be released showing when the sweeping must be done, and residents are asked to place the sand pile on the corner of the block with the LOWEST house number.  Wooden push brooms will be provided by the City.

– The sand bins present in the Winter will now be present year-round.  In Spring and Summer months, they will contain cold-mix so residents may patch their street’s potholes themselves.  The cold-mix bins will NOT be refilled as supplies are limited.

-Timmins Transit services will only run on EVEN days.  Special schedules will be issued for Holidays.

-Garbage pickup will be moved to a once-a-month format.  To help with trash buildup, extra bins will be issued to addresses that may require it.

-Landfills will be closed 4 days a week.  You will only be able to access area landfills Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays.

–Pay for parking on Saturdays/Sundays

-Increase in parking fines to be on par with larger cities

-Only allowing Timmins Police Sergeants to patrol in police vehicles. Officers will be reassigned to foot patrol to save fuel.